Rose in the bud of thorns...

Once a soul reforms as a human being it is bound to experience various emotions. Different incidents induce different emotions , different emotions lead to different behavior and in turn different behavior give birth to many more incidents. Many such incidents in my life have forced me to get on and get off the roller-coaster ride of emotions. While some incidents were exiting some other were disturbing. Between two of these categories I recall many other incidents which were confusing and intermediate. 

Yes, I am talking about incidents which induced emotions of both the categories. While the same incident made me happy it also made me sad. I know, all of you would have experienced many such incidents. But for me  among all those one incident of my life was like a rose in the bud of thorns.

Never in my life before this did I go under knife, never in my life before this did I experience such immense pain, never ever before this my soul screamed and at the same time never before this I had tears in my eyes due to happiness. 

It was the  day I was long waiting for. My family around me was trying to boost my confidence. I was just outside the doors and my husband was holding me tight. My mom looked anxious. I was missing my father and my sister who were soon to arrive but still hadn't made there appearance. And what about me? My brain had almost stopped thinking. All I was feeling was NULL and VOID! That is because I was experiencing the height of confusion. 

Till this point of time, the whole day was like a jigsaw puzzle! The more I tried to solve it the more I messed it. I laughed with tears and I cried with smile. I was the happiest person sometimes and very next moment I was the most saddest being in the world. While I was carefree at some-point of time I would be worried at the other. I thought this is it, I must end it now. But actually I never wanted it to end. 

One half of me said: You have been experiencing life in yourself for nine months now and all of a sudden how can you let it live you alone? Then the other half said: You have been waiting for this day don't you want to see your part coming to life? 

Amongst all these emotions my body had started reacting in a different way. I wanted to stand but also wanted to sit for rest. If I sit my back hurts and if I stand my center of gravity was lost. I would suddenly get the pain which I thought will take my life. Then when it would stop I thought I am giving birth to a life.

It was nothing but the day of my delivery. I was carrying for nine months now and finally was going to give birth to a baby. The doctors were like God because they were the ones who will help me bring life on this earth. They were also the demons because they were hurting my body. 

I was on the operation table since I was undergoing c-section. I was fully conscious since I was given local anesthesia. Though I did not feel pain I felt the cutting sensation psychologically. I don't know if I was weak mentally to handle the feeling of me being operated. I was getting stressed and may be that showed on the blood pressure scale. Since it was not good for me as well as my baby, I was tranquilized. After this started my journey to hell!

I was not in a situation to open my mouth thereafter. But for the first time I was screaming out as loud as possible all to myself. I just wished that somebody would hear me and stop everything that was happening to me at that time but in vain. I was screaming and screaming, please stop it, please get me back to conscious state and I don't believe but I said this... I don't want to give birth to any baby I am fed up just stop it! 

I was imaging some caves and haunting voices in there. Those voices were nothing but the conversations of doctors and nurses around me. I was actually experiencing the same thing as a drug addict may experience. I now knew what the addicts mean when they say ' they float in a different world when they take drugs'. I suddenly heard the voice of a baby crying and I knew that I have given birth to a baby. That was the only voice in the cave that sounded like a sweet and melodies lullaby to my hears.  I heard somebody saying 'it's a baby boy...look at your baby'. I tried hard to open my eyes to get that first glimpse of my baby but all I could see was a blur image of a round and fair face with no features who was wrapped in a greenish wrap. Getting no reaction from me my baby was taken away and I heard a voice again 'she is too drowsy to see her baby'. These were the last words I heard and I have no idea what happened next as I went to deep sleep. 

Tears rolled down my eyes when I saw my baby in my mother's hand. Now when I see my eighteen months old son this is what I say to myself-

The ride of emotional roller-coaster that day was actually not a pain but was a adventure ride of my life which only made me strong to take care of my son. It was nothing but my first step towards the motherhood. Yes, I am now all ready to die and take birth again and again when the reward for it is no less than the only sun in the galaxy and not just another star.

I just cannot stop thanking God for all that he has blessed us in the form of our wonderful son.

The height of mixed emotions in my life till date ended with happiness and love. What is your take on mixed emotion? Its always said sharing boosts joy and heals pain. Why don't you share that one incident in your life that brought mixed emotions in you? 

Its not just about LOVE, its about EMOTIONS

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right here in my comment box.